I Should Be

But I’m not

Photo by Thư Anh on Unsplash

I should be writing.

But I’m not.

I should be eating.

But I’m not.

I’m sitting. I’m smoking. I’m scrolling.

I’m drink cup after cup of black coffee, souring my stomach, staring at blank pages.

I should be working.

But I’m not.

I should be helping.

But I’m not.

I’m reading. I’m rocking. I’m crying.

I stream show after show, dulling my brain, avoiding the despair.

I should be resting.

But I’m not.

I should be sleeping.

But I’m not.

I’m thinking. I’m thinking. I’m thinking.

I dream nightmare after nightmare, reliving myself.